♡ 氷結した心 ♡

Curiosity at Art Stage.

2012-01-13T23:39:00.005+08:00

First week of school started this week to prepare us for the coming block test. Taxing enough, but we had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go for the Art Stage exhibition held at Marina Bay Sands Expo Basement 2 the day before! Held annually, the Art Stage is an exhibition that display art works from all over the world, including Singapore itself.

The challenges posed to us were to look out for artworks that correspond to the artistic strategies that we were assigned to. [For me, I was to search for artworks that reinvented media forms or challenged pre-conceived conventions (of everyday life), akin to Rene Margritte.] Apart from that, we also needed to search for works that correspond to the coursework theme we were dealing with.

Having arrived at around a quarter to four in the venue, I eventually felt that spending too little time in a huge exhibition was not worthwhile. I continued to explore the premises on my own after 5pm, while the others left the convention centre sooner than I did. Looks like indeed, curiosity pays, in discovering artworks that I have never seen before. [not to mention adding some of them to my personal favourites list.] For artworks that I may not understand just by looking at them, [some of them did not come with a description, FYI] it does not hurt asking the artists themselves or the exhibitors for the rationale behind the artworks created.

Treasure this rare opportunity at MBS Expo and Convention Centre, H2 art mates. Meanwhile, all the best for the coming block tests!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T10:25:00.004+08:00

It's 2012! Happy New Year desu!

The past one year has been a hectic roller coaster ride ever since I was the first one from my sec 5 class to start school last year. Now I'm in JC2, about to sit for my A-Levels. (provided I don't flop miserably for my block test two weeks later) This reminds me....

To my dear schoolmates in JC (not just those in YJC), jiayous for As!
To my juniors from Anderson (especially those from Chinese dance), all the best for Os or Ns! Continue to bring Anderson proud as a Band 1 school!
To those from Covenant, whether you are from my Chinese CG or DG07, continue to grow in the Lord as we anticipate new hopes and challenges for the year.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T00:49:00.003+08:00

みんなさん、メリークリスマスです！~

While you take a bite from your turkey or log cake, take a moment to reminisce the birth of Jesus Christ.

~Solo Reflection~ Amanda Heng: Speak To Me, Walk With Me

2011-12-06T22:13:00.012+08:00

Though this was a solo trip to Amanda Heng's exhibition at 8Q SAM, it was nonetheless a meaningful experience. (despite being somewhat perturbed by the nudity in some works and not really fathoming why Heng does certain actions in some of her performance works)

On the first floor, Heng looks into discovering one's cultural identity (in Singapore). When I first stepped into the gallery, I was confronted by a fictitious itinerary which lets tourists explore the artifacts found in Singapore, but ironically displayed overseas. [I was allowed to grab a copy of its brochure though.]

In another section of the same level, Heng masquerades as the de facto Singapore Girl, a slogan of Singapore International Airlines. [SIA] Sarong kebayas with patterns not dissimilar to those of real Singapore Girl stewardesses were combined with camo patterns of the army uniform. Can you imagine yourself wearing those outfits, not to mention getting laughed at?

Amanda Heng also poses herself waving in little-known places, as well as landmarks that have since disappeared. [The photograph with her standing near the KTM railway track in Bukit Timah is my personal favourite.] There is also a display of her in Kampong Buangkok, the last kampong still standing in the nation. In a video, she stands near places that are "exotic" or have since been closed/demolished for redevelopment, like the old National Library at Stamford Road, waving continuously, as if she was saying hello or goodbye (to the venue she is at) However, we do not know if she is really saying hello to us (as if she is in a info-ed documentary), or saying goodbye (to the place that is to make way for newer amenities and buildings)

On the third floor, Amanda Heng explores the female identity. Raised in a patriarchal family, Heng ponders about the characteristics that define a modern woman's identity in Singapore.

^ Tiger Balls, Myths and Chinese Man. This installation is a playful rebuttal to Tang Da Wu's Tiger Whip, where lust-filled men are fascinated by the aphrodisiac properties of the tiger's reproductive organ.

In a performance work, S/he, Heng firstly fills her face with peculiar-looking characters that are derived from the English alphabet and the Chinese writing script. Making all sorts of hand gestures and moving around the stage with a swivel chair, she repeats out loud in Chinese, “他／她是他／她。” Especially for those non-Chinese speakers out there, it is crucial to note that the pronunciation of these Chinese characters for "he" and "she" is the same, yet the characters representing them are different and translate to different pronouns in other languages!

"When you are at home, listen to your father. When you are married, listen to your husband. When your husband dies, you become a widow." This work also challenges the notion that women are supposed to submissive to men, no matter what situation they are in! (You can also check out a detailed description of Heng's rationale for performing S/He: click!)

In another performance work, Yours Truly, My Body, Heng looks into the pains women go through during their quest for "perfect beauty", be it via plastic surgery or cosmetic surgery. Firstly, she sticks her head into advertisements idealizing beautiful women and make all sorts of facial movements. In another scenario, with a volunteer hitting the table with a chopper as "background music", Heng scrubs meat (which represents the female body) with blood and immersing vanity posters in the same scarlet fluid, representing one of the so-called pains I've mentioned earlier. I also remembered her mentioning phrases concerning ideal wishes like "first-class beauty" and "million dollars."

(Now why does this picture remind me of a still frame from a Channel 8 drama serial or movie? This is one in a series of photographs in "Another Woman", by the way)

After looking at the two performance works, photographs of Heng with her mother (as part of Another Woman series) fill the walls of the exhibit. Previously, I thought this work was only confined to a sole picture of her and her mother facing each other, with their clothes at the same position they are standing! But in this gallery, this isn't the case. The series of photographs, apparently, explores her relationship with her mother, but also the spaces between the duo.

Although disturbed by the nudity in Dear Mother as mentioned earlier on, there was this little poem that struck me.

Dear Mother
you gave me a life
I want to tell you that this life is meaningful
It needs no labels to make it important.

How do I put this across to you?
Remember
We were already women at birth.
We don't need terms designated for us
To find meaning for our existence.

I wanted so much
For you to look at yourself, to look at me;
To pay attention to yourself as you are
And to pay attention to me as I am.

Look at me,
Hold me,
Touch me,
Speak to me
We will find out ways
We will talk in our own language!

At the other side of 3rd level gallery, Heng reflects on commemorating history. This mainly concerns WWII where the Japanese occupied Malaya and Singapore in the early 1940s until Japan's surrender in 1945. In "I Remember," [which was performed as part of The Necessary Stage's M1 Singapore Fringe Festival], Heng got her back tattooed with the titular words, which was to show contrast between public and personal memories of certain events, in this case the Japanese Occupation, and how historical events shape and influence our daily lives. In addition, she conducted interviews of people who survived this tough period, all of which were recorded into videos. [Poor people, especially when they were still young, or had children, having forced to learn Japanese in school.]

"Missing." It remembers young girls who were victims of infanticide in countries who have a high preference for males. The red strings which aren't shown in this image are used to hang the little cards that depict this plight.

In an adjacent "hidden room," an installation titled "Missing" pays tribute to baby girls who were targets of infanticide. This is reflected in countries (such as India) where boys are preferred over girls, and girls are often frowned upon, no thanks to cultural ideologies. On the floor and ceiling are cards that depict this still-recurring plight. Here are some of them:

By the year 2020, China will have a million more men the women of marriageable age.
In one third of all divorces in China, men rejected their wives because they had borne daughters.
Pressure to produce a family heir has led women to abort female foetuses.
A one-child family policy has intensified a historic bias in China against female children.
Some Singaporean couples are aborting pregnancies because the foetus is the wrong sex.
In India, the additional blessing for a bride is, "May you be the mother of eight sons."
In India, more girls than boys die before they are five years old through negligence.
Female foetuses are aborted because the sex is wrong. But who decides that?
A life is condemned because it is the wrong sex. But who decides that?

Hey! This reminded me of one of my Chinese classes where Miss Pek was discussing about the possible topics for A-Level Oral, one of which was gender inequality. There seem to have no laws that discriminate females here, but there ARE families who still stick to the notion that a male child is all the more better.

Going up to the fourth floor, one of the sections on this level is mainly dedicated to Heng's performance works over the years.

While I may not fully get all the performance works done by Heng, needless to say, Let's Walk is one of the most indispensable works of hers. During that time, Heng had to look for ways to overcome the withdrawal of public funding for performance art. In this series of performance documentaries, Heng and the volunteers holds a shoe in their mouth and hold up a mirror. The challenge for them is to walk backwards, barefoot, while using the mirror to watch where they were going.

Reaction from one of the volunteers for Let's Walk. Feeling the ground was kind of scary for her, eh?
And another response to Let's Walk here.

In another section next door, Heng explores the relationship with the community. Apparently, works under this category often involves interaction with people from all walks of life, as the name implies. This is especially true for Let's Chat, which allowed residents to prepare beansprouts while conversing with Heng at common areas like the void deck, giving a sense of community spirit within each member. It should be noted that Heng's purpose for Let's Chat is to revive the kampong spirit - something that may have faded away with a hectic modern life.

There is another installation of hers that intrigued me. Yup, one of her latest works, Heng's Bathroom Karaoke consists of things typically found in the bathroom such as a shower stall, sink (complete with accessories and equipment!) and toilet bowl, but there is a twist here. There is a television monitor, microphone and a remote control inside that same "bathroom", all of which can be found in a karaoke lounge! Besides, the background music produced gives an atmosphere of a karaoke room. ~~Sadly, I was too shy to try out the karaoke that was playing in the television screen.~~ [But I did imagine myself rehearsing for my OP inside that little room.] Well, apart from testing one's own oratorical skills, Heng thought up of Bathroom Karaoke to reinforce the idea that the learner (of education) should facilitate his own learning, rather than the teacher who facilitates the lesson, without feeling too awkward.

What a lengthy post this has been! Well, I'll learn more about Amanda Heng in the "harder" half of my art syllabus, where she is categorized as an artist that explores the human identity and his relationships in society, in particular, the female. Ta-ta!

Amazing Race 2011 [OVERDUE]

2011-12-04T09:16:00.009+08:00

I feel horribly unfit. :( But I did have my fair share of fun! ^^

In an ecstatic mood, we got ourselves ready for the first highly anticipated event of Defining December last Saturday. It started with a rush of Carplate Chaos, with a station master giving us the clue to where we should head to.

Team #13 - alongside with Jolene Gien, Gabriel, Marcus, Jerlene and Yanling.

First stop - Kranji State Cemetery. We first had to guess a mystery number, and then two people had to enter the cemetery to look for a engraving that bore the same name as a Happy meal.

Our masterpiece paper cutting of a ship! Done by Jolene.

Next stop: Clementi. [Random fact: When we were scurrying through the shopping centre to find a duo clad in checkered tops, I bumped into Miss Ellen, my art teacher!]

Tasked to look for six dishes that were related to each other within the confinements of the hawker centre cum market, this was the only food item we found. The rest were all beverages!

"Good luck," coupled with his autograph.

Jolene shaking hands with a Caucasian (ahem!)

The whole team at the boxing rink (at Clementi Sports Hall)

The third station was supposed to be Bukit Batok Nature Park, but we detoured to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve (Hindhede Nature Trail to be exact) instead ~~after misinterpreting the clue. Feeling confused after walking a few metres to the quarry, we had to phone Rigel, one of the ICs, out of confusion. While we felt that we got cheated,~~ there was no time to waste, and we headed off to Bukit Batok Nature Park.

At Bukit Batok Nature Park, we headed to the playground where there another quarry in sight. Our first task out there was to move three eggs to a goal post (which was a cup) using only our face but not our mouth. While one of the teammates had to move the egg using his/her face, the others would create the pathway for him/her so that it would be less difficult for that person to move the egg.

Next, utilising raffia strings, we had to tie ourselves to a cup (filled with water) attached to a rubber band, and prevent it from spilling the water all over while walking one loop. If we were cautious, the rubber band could actually hold the cup filled with water. Sadly, at the rate we were walking (no matter how synchronized we were), we would not be able to finish the task within the time limit. At least, that was better than walking too fast and causing the cup to tip over.

We were then supposed to head over to a food court in Bukit Batok, some few hundred metres away and near a community centre cum police station. Unfortunately, as we finished our "advertisement campaign" for curry puffs there, it started to pour. [Hopefully no one fell sick after Amazing Race!] We dashed back to the playground at the park as fast we could. (Too bad that left me gasping for breath as I haven't been running for quite a while.)

Heading back to church, we played a game akin to Dog and Bone, but involving flour! (OMG) After this, we played Sumo. (Anyone who was in the TNG camp two years ago would probably find this game familiar.) While we did win in the first two rounds, I fell down on the last round, leaving the rear of my shirt full of mud. (SPLAT!) By the time we "crossed the finishing point", we were all dirty with mud and flour.

セルフ・ノート。

2011-11-28T14:09:00.002+08:00

エンジェルちゃん、この休暇は遊びの時間じゃないです。

That fateful moment.

2011-11-15T11:41:00.005+08:00

After the principal made her speech and a handful of students dispersed to other venues, I sat right at the back of the auditorium, unsure what was going to happen to the vast lot of us, not to mention myself. Already, most of us had butterflies in our stomach, wondering whether we would fall under the category of being promoted, provisionally advanced or retained, especially when we were told that our promotional results were not going to be out until OP and A-Level Mother Tongue was over for everyone. Mr Goh, HOD for Science, then appeared on the stage, spilling the news that everyone sitting in the auditorium was promoted! (that is, they met every bit of the promotional criteria for J2) PTL!

While it was unlike secondary school where my strongest subjects were A1s and A2s, I was elated that I did not fail any subject, not even Physics or Geography, my two most neglected subjects. In other words, no S or U (aka F9) inside my report card, which was worth smiling about. I still have that block test period awaiting me, though.

And to those who thought that I would not be able to survive the taxing JC life, I have proven you wrong. [Figuratively speaking,] I have had wounds inflicted on me, no question about it. I have had my hands all tied up. However, JC life is also about resilience, not just commitment in our endeavours. The worst thing that could happen is that after falling down, I am unable to get up forever, with my progress heading south.

Are you even ready for the tougher half of the race?

Happy 11/11/11?

2011-11-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

よかったです！OP has finished for our class; from now on, we have no need to worry about PW until the release of A-Level results next March. Some bits were a little patchy during my presentation but whatever I've done, is done. I've done my best.

At least, we did not fail to try. You can't fail to win (that A1/2) unless you fail to try.

Can never be spared from the "I Miss Anderson" syndrome.

2011-11-01T09:44:00.003+08:00

After A-Level Chinese on Monday, I decided to pay a visit to Anderson Secondary to have a chat with my respective subject teachers. This was due to the fact that I did not have the chance to visit them on Teacher's Day and that I wanted to compensate for it.

Once I stepped into the territories of Anderson, I bumped into Mr Sim, my DnT teacher since secondary three who just exited the general office. Going up to level 2, I collided into Mr Yong (Combined Humanities teacher) and Mr Ng (physics teacher) and in the library Mr Chin (Chinese teacher from secondary three onwards) and Mr Lim (Maths teacher from secondary three, whom an ex-senior managed to call in) With these teachers, I engaged in ~~idle~~ chat, sharing them about the hectic JC life I am currently experiencing.

*sigh* Ever since I returned to Anderson on Speech Day, the syndrome has not gone away. Now, I need to try to go back to Anderson as much as possible, since there are early dismissal times in the post-promo timetable. However, this will not mean that I will be slacking in Anderson doing nothing, instead doing my self-study in the library (or MPS/music room if I see my lovelies from ANDance). As I sit for my A-Levels the following year, I may not be able to go back to that alma mater as often as I would for this year.

Easy people, that girl in the YJC uniform was actually part of the batch who graduated in 2010.

With constancy and purpose, to failure we say "no."

"A" 水准中文

2011-10-31T15:33:00.007+08:00

我还以为梁实秋的《下棋》会出。
结果鲁迅的《藤野先生》是这次 "A" 水准中文的第一个理解篇章。

幸好，我读了所有十个必考篇章，要不然！《藤野先生》还是做得到的。

这次 "A" 水准中文。。。我实在不能说什么。但是它的难度跟去年 "O" 水准高级数学 (O Level AMaths) 试卷二差不多一样。＊叹＊我只希望我明年不必考 CLB 或者重考 "A" 水准中文。~~我的 B4 可以说再见了。~~

至少，从现在到明年三月，我不必花太多时间在华文了。><

Seriously, if I see F9/U in my result slip...

"A" 水准华文的倒数；

2011-10-28T22:30:00.002+08:00

你不可能无法胜任，除非你没有尽力去做。 ~~ 中学物理学老师 (Mr Ng/黄老师)

我岂没有吩咐你吗？你当刚强壮胆！不要惧怕，也不要惊惶；因为你无论往哪里去，耶和华—你的神必与你同在。~~ 约书亚记 1:9

多两天，我们将要考 "A" 水准华文。"A" 水准华文虽然很恐怖，难度很高，但是你们这个星期一要把它搞好，并且得到 S 至少，明年就不必重考 "A" 水准华文了，可以好好温习其他课程。加油！你们做得到！

Promos may be over...

2011-10-17T16:05:00.002+08:00

.... but the light at the end of the tunnel is still far away!

549th

2011-09-28T22:54:00.000+08:00

All or nothing.

2011-09-16T22:51:00.004+08:00

Promos for GP and Chinese was today, and I felt I was walking on a tightrope, literally, especially for Chinese (which scared the wits out of me.). If I fail promos for GP, this will only spell doomsday for me. It will be futile even if I pass all the other four subjects, for I'll become a J1 senior by then, and I don't want to see myself as an eldest sister figure in my new class very often.

For Chinese, the last two passages were labourious enough for me to get what they were trying to convey. At least I wasn't crying inconsoably like what happened during block test though. Ultimately, it is still my A's that matters. The biggest embarrassment in JC would have to be taking Chinese B next year which would milk me of a significant portion of hours which could be better spent on my coursework for art or my weaker subjects.

Thanks, but no thanks. I need to tuck in now, still have to come back to school for coursework.

Arab Street.

2011-09-08T08:34:00.006+08:00

Migraines after studying Geography at National Library, but that's not the focus of this post. Before that I had a photography session with my fellow Art Club mates at Arab Street! Although I was absent from the previous week's session, I didn't miss anything much from there, except that I had to remember what Miss Tan said about photo-taking! (Speaking of whom, don't electrocute me if you see this post.) Too bad I did not bring my dear nendoroid Rin along. T_T

Unlike my trip to the Japanese Garden about two weeks ago, I was shooting at an urban landscape. This was the tricky part of this session, not to mention watching out for traffic along the alleys. Other than that, I had a fun time admiring the streets as well as the mosque that stood at its pride amongst long rows of shophouses.

I'm off to revise for my promos, SS2 and physics, ta-ta.

Better than nothing.

2011-09-01T15:29:00.003+08:00

Despite Anderson already having its gates shut by the time I was released from school, hope was not all lost in visiting Northland Primary. This time, I could not find any familiar faces my age, but I bumped into some juniors (who currently study in Anderson, including Kaien) and my 8th floor neighbour! Some of them even had Mrs Cha as their form teacher, like me!

Six years on, Mrs Cha still has not forgotten me, even asking me how Sok Chin is doing in AJC so far. Pity the latter is too busy working hard for her As, and I do not want to disturb her.

今日主日崇拜的一次教训：合宜的言论。

2011-08-28T22:11:00.005+08:00

箴言 16:27 ~ 匪徒图谋奸恶，嘴上仿佛有烧焦的火。

就这样，这些匪徒平常用嘴巴来诅咒或伤害别人。箴言 16:27所提及的火是代表嘴巴显示的恶劣话语。为何谣言比福音容易传流？是由于这匪徒所做的罪。

言语有力量的，可以祝福或鼓励人家，但是，它也可以诅咒他们。它可以医治，也可以伤害。

鼓励别人是最必要的，而不是批评他们，因为批评别人只会防止他们的（心灵）成长。神知道我们的思想，不管是在黑暗中。

不要放弃;

2011-08-13T10:21:00.002+08:00

小善，不要失望，再多一次。

Farewell to my sweet 17.

2011-07-28T09:34:00.006+08:00

I am seventeen no more.

I may have turned to a sweet 18, but that does not mean I am free from my parents' restrictions.

The portal to missions.

2011-07-23T23:29:00.009+08:00

OK, it's decided! At the end of this year, it's an obligation that I go for an OCIP or mission trip at the end of the year, especially after the partial fiasco of March's Bintan camp. Whether my wish to go back to Bintan as a missionary worker will be fulfilled does not matter to me at the moment.

Despite this, like oneesama said to me before, I still need to do my best in school, so as to prove my parents and teachers that I am able to go for one.

We are God's instruments in His will. Go, Cherie-chan! This is a commandment from God for His will to be done!

[EDIT: anyway, CT Ms Neo has no objection in going for one as a J1 student, just that I cannot go for both the OCIP and evangelical mission trip at the end of this year.]

Memory verse: Acts 1:8 / 记忆经文: 使徒行传 1:8

2011-07-10T22:33:00.009+08:00

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem/Singapore, and in all Judea/SE Asia and Samaria/Asia, and to the ends of the earth.

但圣灵降临在你们身上，你们就必得着能力，并要在耶路撒冷／新加坡，犹太／东南亚全地，和撒马利亚／亚洲，直到地极，作我的见证。

~Acts 1:8/使徒行传 1:8~

我的 DJ 应当做的部分做好了，但是，这不是终结。

Grades don't define one's persona.

2011-07-08T13:10:00.003+08:00

The same situation. I got back my art theory paper results for block test the day before and the initial reaction was to cry, just like that time where I got back my physics paper.

But I could decide on the following scenarios.

I leave the school campus feeling continually depressed, thinking that the theory (aka SOVA) component pulled my overall grade down and that I could have scored better for H2 art.

Or...

I stopped crying, and had the impression that coursework (or rather, my painting for the upcoming UOB art competition) saved me from falling into the abyss.

I choose the latter.

No U-turning.

2011-07-05T10:09:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 大姑姑 (yesterday) & DADDY
上帝祝福你们！

Well, it's July already, block tests have finished, and they've been marked. (!!!) This will also determine whether my nice strategies (including my salmon sashimi mayhem) have worked or not.

Managed to pass GP by a whisker, I expected x marks worse than this, given the tough situation I was in when I sat for the paper. Since there's a Chinese lesson later, I suspect my class will be in hot soup, at least for myself. Rest assured, however, that I will restrain my emotions and not exit the classroom crying as if I was a seven-year old just bullied by a bunch of tormentors. Oneesama was astonished to hear that I cried inconsolably during Chinese blocks.

"Why labour in vain? Read Psalm 127:1-2. Remember what I told you? When these negative thoughts come to mind, pray! God is your shield and he would never want these negative thoughts to haunt you, he wants to deliver you from them!"

[EDIT: Disclosing of Chinese BT results has been delayed until around next week, probably. But from what I heard, only one student from my class managed to pass.]

一瞬间就消失了。

2011-06-25T00:25:00.005+08:00

今年的六月假期，比前年过得很快。虽然这也是我第一次参加一年一度的全球祷告会，但是我不再享受假期中的快乐了，不如童年的时光。尽管如此，从全球祷告会，收到的其中一次的心灵教训是：住在比较忙碌的社会的人，多需要安静的角落，并且让上帝陪伴他们。

这个星期，我有一场使我瑟瑟发抖的恶梦。妈妈看到我的考试成绩之后，便狗血喷头地挨骂我，甚至要没收我的电脑，一直到寒假为止。听到了这个坏消息时，我立刻胆战心惊了起来，不想觉得自己觉得像残疾人而不愿意放弃自己的 “宠物”。

“果然我们长辈都救不了你，但是我们会给你需要的心灵支持！加油！不要流泪了！”

天父的爱真正美，领我走过黑暗夜。

游玩的时间已消失。

2011-06-03T10:23:00.006+08:00

六月假期又来临了，但是正常的感觉与小学和中学度过的假期不一样。为了我们开学后的测验时段，我们前几天都必须进行一个星期的补课。还在读中学时，我无疑有了补课，不过现在，我需要花比较多的时间，特别是在我比较弱的课程中。由于我对它们有点困难，我决定跟老师在下个星期安排补习。对于这些忙碌，这表示我可以跟我的游玩时间说再见，仿佛这是 O 水准之前的独立温习时段。

“小妹，这次的测验时段，我们长辈都救不了你。”

#536.

2011-05-28T23:48:00.004+08:00

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/teenage-girl-falls-her-death-ang-mo-kio-140049870.html

I can only hope that I don't end up like this poor girl who committed suicide due to dismal A Level results.

#535.

2011-05-27T13:25:00.004+08:00

I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death. ~Psalm 118:17-18~

Every test after test, the block test period will come really fast. This is undoubtedly a hectic period where I have to resort to multitasking at certain times, and there is bound to have a time where my "stress meter" crosses its threshold, collapsing as a result.

シェリーちゃんは深刻なエラーが発生しました。

#534

2011-05-06T23:49:00.004+08:00

懒惰之罪是完全不能接受的；它却在我的身体内存在。

水晶有了很多瑕疵。

デジャビュの瞬間。

2011-04-30T11:04:00.001+08:00

It almost felt like I was studying for my O Levels once again when I came back to this place, or rather, its library the previous evening.

C'est la vie;

2011-04-27T19:26:00.004+08:00

Just looking at the long chain of adversities I have gone through, I can choose to say PTL (praise the Lord) or FML. You make the choice, no one is going to help you decide.

As Jen-chan's father had once said, 凡事感谢主, even if you got a lousy grade for your recent test.

Speech Day {OVERDUE}

2011-04-15T20:59:00.004+08:00

Went back to Anderson Secondary for Speech Day 2011 on the 15th, although I had to apply for an early leave application and had to miss our PE lesson for the day. In addition I was unaware that I was supposed to buy a gift for the school. Hence I went to Courts (next to AMK library) to buy a stand fan - something which my juniors might genuinely desire to have in their classrooms. (despite the fact that I really preferred making something using my H2 Art skills instead, it would be a labourious job to do)

Mr Liaw, the guest of honour, was actually an ex-Andersonian! He shared his personal life as an Anderson, when there were programmes to keep him and his schoolmates busy. He even shared a testimony about Bhutan, an exotic country located somewhere in the Himalayas. While Bhutan is supposedly one of the happiest countries in Asia and the world, this seems nothing more than an illusion. It seems to be lagging behind in terms of technology; when one is staying at a Bhutanese hotel, he would have to use the phone at the receptionist's desk! Hence, it also lost out in terms in economic developement. This is probably what happens if you simply keep to yourself and not connect with others at all.

The concert was a talkshow in disguise by a guy masquerading as Andy Sun who was the host of the show, also featuring four "guests" who were interviewed by him. First was the choir, next Malay Dance (this was a lively one!), then an improvised percussion ensemble, and finally Chinese Dance! :D (though the non-SYF group was the one performing)

During the dinner session, I talked to the subject teachers who taught me two years back, namely, Mr Ng, Mr Lim, Mr Chin, Mrs Chua, Mr Ow and Mr Yong. I not only told them the subject combination I am taking, but also disclosed them the ugly truth - that I was struggling with physics due to my combined science background. All of them seemed to be implying that I should just do my best, but I should also stop stressing myself out (like what happened yesterday) I also sent words of encouragement to my fellow dance juniors who were about to perform for their SYF on the 21st! (PS: They kept the Gold with Honours standard performing a poignant dance based on the Sino-Japanese War where the Japanese invaded Nanjing!)

Once an Andersonian, always an Andersonian.

I can only pray hard that my JC will allow us to have time to visit our primary and secondary schools on August 31. Next year, I will not be able to come back for the same event.

one day, that trophy, a blessing from God, will just disappear into nothingness.

back to the past;

2011-04-08T22:22:00.004+08:00

Going back to that old alma mater of mine next Friday. またみてです。〜

[OVERDUE] Bintan Camp 2011

2011-04-03T19:00:00.007+08:00

Needless to say, as much as I have to admit, the recent Bintan camp was no better than any of my past camps. However, I will try to post this entry WITHOUT the intention of initiating a flame war.

Well, I will start off by sharing the negative side of the camp first. Due to the relatively unstable weather conditions and later, the tsunami warning following the monster earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the activities that were planned out had to be called off. For my class, or rather Altius II, our group, they were Dragon Boating and Island CIP. "What a bummer," I thought in silence. The latter was an extremely important component in my so-called "entrance exam to mission trips." But due to the cancelling of the Island CIP, the opportunity to put my skills to the test was just taken away, unable to build and paint the school canteen situated in one of the islands. Hence, that component of that examination, nothing more a flat zero mark.

On a more positive note, we did manage to make the ascent to Gunung Bintan before the heavy downpour occurred on the first day, even though the route we took was actually a shortcut! Thank God (literally) that no one passed out along the way, even though we did get exhausted.

The interaction with the residents of a village near a mangrove (Sri Bintan?) was another eventful part of the camp as well. Despite the presence of a language barrier between most of us, the village, the residents were quite friendly with us; we even snapped pictures of them with us for memories. On a more personal note, this was also a turning point where God talked to me about working on a mission here in Bintan. You know, when I was interacting with the villagers, God was telling me, "Cherie-chan, don't you think more can be done to help these villagers as well as blessing them? Improving their lives is just not sufficient. Sometime in the future, I am calling you to go back to Bintan as a missionary worker."

It is without question that the Bintan camp was a flop partly because of last minute changes left and right that made us confused and angry and partly due to the bad weather and tsunami alert. On the other hand, I want to go back to the same village Altius II visited on the third day, as a missionary worker. I remembered that there is a church in the vicinity, but I do not know whether the villagers actually go there or not. Even so, simply improving the villagers' lives is just not enough; I don't want to be a Santa Claus who merely presents things to them and go off.

I want to go back to Bintan for a mission trip, but this may only happen after a few years or so.

#528.

2011-03-21T22:14:00.002+08:00

どうして、神様？

Bintan Camp!

2011-03-05T17:50:00.003+08:00

Whoosh, another month gone.

Countdown to Bintan camp cum OCIP trip: 4 days! I'm really ecstatic yet I'm nervous at the same time! The opportunity to apply what I have learnt from my past church camps, all those testimonies from East Timor, Thailand and Pekan Baru as well as A.J Cronin's Catholic novel, The Keys of The Kingdom. But then again, there is the need to overcome my normally shy and introverted personality, especially for the OCIP section. Not to mention the possiblity of finger pointing when hiccups happen! This isn't some religious mission trip, you know. It's more like a hybrid of your past camps in secondary school and oneesama's service learning trip to Cambodia.

I need to pass this test, or else its goodbye to Covenant mission trips.

Looks like this ain't good.

2011-02-17T22:16:00.003+08:00

Seems like extra training for Maths at Woodlands Library will be inevitable sooner or later. But then again, I don't want a repeat of what happened last year, during the second wave of O Level prelims, where I got manipulated and lost my conscience, no thanks to the seduction of success.

2011-02-12T15:59:00.003+08:00

*Flashback* SAJC Open House 2010 ~as blogged on 1 August, 2010.

As the number of extracurricular activites in SAJC is higher than that in Anderson Secondary, I was definitely spoilt for choice. I could join the newly formed Saint Advocates to boost my leadership skills (which are sadly, lacking for me at the moment)

Likewise, what your JC had said, every student has several opportunities available to boost their leadership skills. ~~and be appointed to God's service.~~ Every leadership and service learning opportunity given to you is like SAJC's Saint Advocates. Use 'em to the fullest.

This may be a tad too farsighted but...

2011-02-06T19:13:00.003+08:00

...swear to God that I won't be the same as my second brother and my next destination after my As will NOT be SIM University.

February now.

2011-02-02T18:18:00.004+08:00

Time flies. From the release of my O Level results to the end of my 'extra vacation', to the JC orientation finale, the first month of 2011 has flown past really quickly; it is February already! seems that our energetic selves will rotate 180 degrees once school lessons officially commence. [And I thought I would never be able to see my primary school mates ever again, but I was wronged.]

Anyway, for the previous day we had the CCA showcase (but not all CCAs had their booths set up, sob, sob) Went to look for the CCAs that I was keen in (that is, Chinese Orchestra and Wushu), apart from Art club. Unfortunately, due to my subject combination, Miss Tan, my soon-to-be art teacher, discouraged me from joining a second CCA for fear of seeing me become too stressed out. Reevaluating my priorities, I decided to stick to solely Art club and tell myself to wait. That pipa or guzheng or erhu or my dance talents can wait; wait till my A Levels have finished. I shall not care even if I would have been Shanshan's present age by the time that image has come to reality.

the orientation 2011 ended with a jam-and-hop session, which comprised a rock concert and a barberque. Mirrored the campfire I used to have in secondary school, but I was kind of overwhelmed by the cheering for the performers of the concert and all the dancing going on concurrently.

Had the annual Chinese New Year celebration as usual in school. Before the concert, we had this talk on the Global Perspectives Symposium, which is coming next week to help us stimulate project work, an A level subject! Apart from the usual concert, we had this hamper making competition. We attempted to make our hamper look like a real bunny (like what some of the CTGs/classes had achieved) but we did not feel right at the same time, in fact we felt that our hamper looked too weird. >.<

新年快乐！赐福满满！

睦月の凍雨。

2011-01-31T19:37:00.002+08:00

前の三日々、しとしと雨を耐えました。えと。。。

あの雨は強気でした、私の靴本当は湿った。シェリーちゃんの希望は、またまた太陽を見られるです。

梅の花香は苦寒から。

spoilt for choice!

2011-01-29T16:14:00.003+08:00

School has started. (Yes, I'm in junior college now, and it seems that I am the only person from my sec 5 class to go to one.)

Well, while orientation has been fun to the core for the past two days, they will mark the last time that I can actually fool around with my secondary school attitude. Once lessons commence, that nasty attitude will have to say goodbye.

Okay. Let's go to CCAs. Rumours amid that the school's Chinese Dance society went bust for reasons unknown and now I have zero choice but to choose other CCAs that I am interested in! The good news though, is that YJC's performing arts welcome students who have no prior experience in music or dance, like the Guitar Ensemble and Chinese Orchestra. Yes. The latter especially. While other JCs like Nanyang will say, "Sorry kiddos, only those with prior experience are allowed to sign up for Chinese Orchestra!", YJC, on the contrary, will say, "Don't worry dear! Even if you did not play the guzheng before, we'll still welcome you!" I know this may sound stupid to some of you, but looks like YJC does not want to close the door on anyone when it comes to performing arts!

Possible outcome. I could play any musical instrument to glorify God everywhere, even in overseas trips and in Covenant. In fact, I pictured myself playing the guzheng during a mission trip to a rural village in China, thus blessing the Chinese peasants. But thing is, can I do all this while juggling with my studies (and make this lofty dream come true?)

#519, Afresh.

2011-01-26T18:58:00.003+08:00

Posting results for the JAE 2011 were released this morning (in fact when I was still sleeping) and I was initially upset that I did not get accepted into Nanyang JC, Saint Andrews or Meridian JC, instead being posted to Singapore Polytechnic. Armed with my O Level results from 2009 and 2010 cum CCA records, I had to get my brother to accompany me to appeal to Yishun JC. Painful, but it tuned out to be a successful appeal. (Hallelujah!)

Now, I shall focus on the next few days of orientation, where I am enabled to start afresh, without the tormentation of the bad guys from my secondary school. I also promised that I would not repeat the errors of yesteryear, those errors that caused me to lose my friendship with some people.

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. ~Phillipians 3:13~ Speaking of which, I also deleted a fraction of posts from 2007 to 2009. When I looked at them before throwing them away, I realised that I was nothing more than a teenage brat during my spiritual coma. Move on, Cherie-chan.

Finally.

2011-01-13T21:36:00.002+08:00

~from Saint Andrew's JC Open House, July 2010.

Following the release of my O Level results on Monday, I had to decide with uttermmost caution on my post secondary choices. With the "thick layer of fog" still a hinderance, I went ahead to seek Grace oneesama and her fellow schoolmates for further advice after attending the Nanyang JC Open House. As it turned out, they had warned me against taking a course that has to do with film, musicals or digital media, partly due to the plight my eldest brother had faced during and after his polytechnic days. [PS: My eldest brother was accepted into Digital Media (Animation) in Nanyang Polytechnic, and somehow regretted choosing that course.]

Evaluating and reevaluating my ideal routes was no laughing matter and a contradictory obstacle. Two years ago, I kept insisting that I would say 'no' to the polytechnic path. Yet, for some reason, I said the reverse even though I was clearly eligible for the JC route. Was it because of what my second eldest brother and Sok Chin experienced when they entered JC? Worried because I would get fried or electrocuted (not literally) to death? This was not until I reverted back to my thinking in 2009. Whether I would be fried to death, I would have to be willing to accept it. I also decided to break the so-called boundary that has been imposed on me since secondary one and choose the JCs that I can enter, regardless of location.

Guaranteed, that was a tricky process. Still, it was for the better. I could miss out on many opportunities available, as what Xinyi said. If the boundary was still there, I would not have made that decision.

Now, what's done is done. I am surrendering that JAE application to God's hands and let Him place me to wherever He wants me to go to. it doesn't matter if it is close to my home at Yishun. It doesn't matter if it is in Pasir Ris (!!) either. As long as I don't complain about it and its side effects on me. Whatever JC or poly you have been accepted into, remember, no one is here by chance.

2011-01-10T22:48:00.001+08:00

Let's praise the Lord for the fruitful results reaped.

Dear God, what's up next after secondary school?

The fateful day.

2011-01-08T22:38:00.005+08:00

Cherie, there is only two days left. The fateful day will be coming for you, where your school principal will be having a talk on your progress on your O Levels and most importantly, getting back of your results. It doesn't matter whether you can become Phoenix Angel or not. It is unquestionable you wanted to push your stream back to its former glory by gaining this honorary title, but it is not God's truest desire for you. Remember, grades and achievements do not define your persona.

You have anxieties beneath the cheerful side of you, but cast all of them to Him. I don't want this girl to have many sleepless nights before or after the release of the O Level results.

As for your JAE, remember what I said in that long letter. Rest well and God bless. 你的未来，神已经掌权。

Letter from Crystal.

2011-01-05T22:57:00.006+08:00

Dear Cherie

It is only a few days till the release of your O Level results, and yet you are still a lost lamb. This has been a recurring problem for you ever since your last O Level paper, hasn't it? You have all along mentioned that your future is a "thick layer of fog" to your dear church buddies from Voices. In other words, stuck between choosing a polytechnic or junior college. In addition, you are worried that the school that you choose might not be for God's purpose. Well, you are not alone. I sympathise with you on your plans after you leave secondary school. I know you are feeling puzzled, as if the upcoming Joint Admissions Exercise is a crossroad for you. I understand that you don't want to be too self-centered even after your Breakthrough retreat. Let me counsel you with some pieces of advice on that once again.

Firstly, your talents and passions. Okay, you must be under the impression that being the "multi-talented girl" is giving you a disadvantage that you tend to go fickle minded easily. But as what your mommy said, is the subject combination or course you choose the one that you enjoy the most? You seem passionate in design and technology, science, art, history and math. However, if you are really aiming for anything that is related to design, honestly, a polytechnic is the wiser route. Just look at the many courses that are available to you! In contrast, you cannot possibly perceive project work (PW) in junior college as a DnT subject. (though you can try using a similar approach to JC PW, like what you did to your design journal last year)

You may have heard of all those nasty rumours that have been circulating in some schools of your choice. My advice to you is to keep skeptical about them. Don't believe those rumours right away. Instead, ask God to help you show His viewpoint on these schools. Did I also mention that boundary imposed on you since secondary one? Well, it's giving you more harm than good in the long term. You will surely miss out on various opportunities available! Don't just choose the JCs or polys that are closer to your home.

You mentioned that your father told you that your childhood friend Sok Chin (who is in Anderson Junior College) is struggling with her life in JC and can barely score enough to just survive that 'hellish' life. Upon hearing that piece of news, you began to feel concerned. (Poor Sok Chin, I wonder how can she cope in her second year till the A Levels?) This has left you the question, are you even ready to meet the demands of a JC? Like JC Chinese? General Paper? And even project work which many seem to groan about? I can't answer you on that but try talking to your seniors who were previously in a JC, they have the experience. (but don't believe them too easily or you'll end up underestimating the real difficulty level!)

Most recently, during your post-Voices breakthrough followup at Sengkang, you told me that your flexibility from Chinese Dance and ballet is a God-given gift, yet the corresponding CCA you participated in might not be for His will. I am not able to really advice you on that very much, but really, I suggest you speak to God or oneesama about it, okay?

Well, it has been a long letter for now. Good luck on the release of O Level results and the Joint Admission Exercise. Whatever JC or poly you have been accepted into, remember what Saint Andrew's JC said, "We believe that no one is here by chance." In the meantime, trust God that He has planned out your future for you and your future is in His hands, and that you can see through the fog. Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God bless
Crystal

Crystal sent this letter to me, just a few days ago. It is barely less than a week to O Levels, but I am still fickle minded on what to do. This will be a BIG turning point for me.

The feeling is just so wrong.

2011-01-04T15:42:00.004+08:00

(this is just a random picture I put up, nothing to do with the post below)

The new school term is here again, and schoolchildren and students have to head back to school today. As a girl who is waiting for her O Level results, the feeling is just... not right, though on the surface I did feel blissful about not going to school at all with that extra week off...

为何。

2010-12-21T22:37:00.009+08:00

听起了堂姐和爸爸说，三伯今天刚刚去世了。

我晓得，听起来很突然。但是我却无法接受这个悲哀的消息。。。

表面上，这表示今年的圣诞不会成为极端喜悦的节日。不过，我也是惋惜我的堂姐们，因为三伯是她们的父亲。我也开始想起自己小时候。。。小时候，三伯都会一直拥抱我。。。三伯同时会（亲密地）叫我 “美女”，现在没有人叫我这个假名了。

T_T

小善子，别再哭了。

Mandarin Chinese service featuring Henry Chong (aka Zhang Hanlin)

2010-12-20T22:10:00.003+08:00

OMG OMG OMG, SUNDAY'S SERVICE WITH HENRY CHONG WAS SOOOO AWESOME MANZXX!!!!!

(Okay, back to serious business.)

I thought I was the only person from Voices (with the exception of Steven and Victor, the latter whom was invited by me) to attend this special Christmas service, but it turned out that Jen-chan and her sister, and later Jolene Gien, also showed up for it. I could not sit with my whole CG as most of them served as the technical crew for the day, but thankfully, I still had my fellow buddies from Voices.

The service started with the Mandarin Service Choir singing a couple of Christmas hymns like 圣婴孩主耶稣, Hark the Angels Sing and 耶稣降生.

When Henry Chong/Zhang Hanlin (张汉林) (okay, I shall address him as Pastor Henry from here onwards.) first stepped up to the stage, my excitement gradually escalated. "One man's meat is another man's poison," as I would say, as Pastor Henry rendered covers of Chinese oldies, they are from the Teresa Teng and Fei Yu Qing era; yes, when we were NOT even born yet, not even my elder brothers! To even list out a few, 夜来香，月圆花好 and 何日君再来, all of which they had sung!

Anyway, I was also rather amazed by how Pastor Henry linked the songs to Christianity. In the case of 月圆花好, the song is a folk ballad often played during Lunar New Year and Mooncake Festival, yet he mentioned how a lack of harmony could break God's heart. Not the mention the paradox of going to live concerts in the city, expensive tickets, disunity throughout the whole audience and our own safety compromised!

As for his actual testimony, I remembered Pastor Henry mentioning how his father, like Kat's parents, resented the idea of allowing him to go to church and believe in Jesus. (and going to the point of saying to him, "If you don't give me money, you shall not believe in Christ.") I recalled on how his father gave his brother biased treatment as soon as the latter was born. (when Pastor Henry's brother was born, at that time, his father's career was flourishing.) Unfortunately, both his father and younger brother became engaged in all sorts of sinful activities such as the consumption of alcohol. Luckily, Pastor Henry came to their rescue and got them to receive Christ in their lives. Had he not done so, they would end up like how my poor brother got into trouble with the police in my nightmare weeks ago. Clearly, this story of his had made me go back to that bad dream and lead us to a song, 主如明亮晨星.

拜神是一件事，相信神就是另外一件事了。It is one thing to pray to God. It is another thing to believe (and trust) in God.

Christmas Carnival in church! ~Behind the scenes and actual day~

2010-12-20T11:36:00.004+08:00

17 December
As we discussed with Joanna, the in-charge a few weeks ago, the stage decor team (in which I was part of) was in charge of the decorating of the stage. Armed with my entire set of Copic markers, scissors and a whole chunk of felt that Nicodemus had bought beforehand, we started out by tracing and cutting out the snowflake designs. (To avoid an excessively monochromatic series of snowflake shapes, I went ahead to draw snowflakes with a benzene-like center) They did feel as if they were working in a factory, but felt better when they saw the number of snowflakes they had counted. Some of the snowflakes were pasted on the bags which were supposed to promote the Bagteria musical (coming this Christmas Day). Later at the tentage, the team began to place the decorations on the two sides of the stage using the snowflakes they had cut out. The foundation was complete!

18 December
Unfortunately, the team was not all done with the decorations on the stage. We redid the decoration and arrangement of the bags and the top of the stage, the latter being adorned with tassled crepe paper. Apparently, it took quite a while to think about how the bags should be held in place, for they could fall too easily. Thankfully, we were pretty satisfied with the final design.

Now onto the actual event, the decor team also doubled up as ushers for the carnival. We were supposed to give balloons to visitors, those with children in particular, and direct them to the ticket counter, if possible. As for me, I went one step further, that was, to follow Wilson and oneesama to pass the balloons around! We walked around the area surrounding the church and the tentage, and that included Vista Point, and also gave balloons to the people who were going for the Hokkien Christmas service. (It was held the same day as the carnival, a double blessing!) Although I was initially opposed to that idea, I still went ahead in doing so and most importantly, no harm was done.

Meanwhile, (under the pressure of oneesama and Wilson) I got myself to eat the candy floss, which was free of charge, while stocks last (!!!) I also played a slider puzzle which focused on how we could be more environmentally friendly at home. I even did listen to two choirs, one done by middle aged adults and another by young children.

(Did I mention a lucky draw as well?)

After the whole event, those who could stay until half past ten cleared up the whole stage, and packed the decorations away (some of which were meant for Bagteria), and discarded some of them altogether.

Though I did miss out some of the fun during the concert, the carnival was nonetheless a fresh experience for both the church and myself, that it was the first ever organised for Christmas, and for the surrounding neighbourhood as well. Thankfully, I did manage to catch a glimpse of the "snow" coming out of the snow machine.

December!

2010-12-02T20:47:00.003+08:00

Okay. Shoot. December is here already! Barely felt like a fortnight had flown past since the end of my O Levels.

*flashback of last year's "December is Coming video" from then WEB/RAYS ministry appears in own head*

Well, the birthdays of some important people are coming, and that includes a couple of buddies in church, Grace oneesama and 2nd oniichan. So are crucial events back at Covenant, like the Christmas Carnival on the 18th, and Bag-teria Musical on the 23rd to 25th!

But then again, after the year-end breakthrough retreat, it means that pretty soon, we will already be reaching the end of 2010! And not to mention coming January 2011...

The speed of time seems to be going too fast. Way too fast. Whatever the case, let's treasure the last of our 2010 vacation, for there may be no such thing as a well-deserved break like this when we grow up and enter the workforce.

Premonition much?

2010-11-29T09:15:00.007+08:00

Dreamt that 2nd oniisama got arrested by the police last night. I could not remember what crime he committed inside that dream, but I would never expect that my dear brother could make a wrong turn and go out of control...

As I watched him get sent away by the police officers with a regretful look, the telephone rang. Answering the call, the person who called was none other than my oneesama, who then spoke out, "Imoto-chan, I saw everything. Don't hide anything from me. Tell me what's going on." At this moment, I froze in shock and went speechless, unable to divulge every detail to my oneesama.

Why, would my oniisama be creating an unimaginable series of chaos all of a sudden? He was never like this all along, ever since he stopped ill-treating me! Don't tell me.... he has been possessed by the devil's bidding? I was worried sick. Never thought, he would... It seems more than a regret for me, and not just for him as well...

Whatever the case is, back to reality, I still need to pray for him, for I sense a spiritual crisis within my family! This bad dream is probably a dystopian image that God has cast if I don't bring my elder brothers and parents to Christ, as in one of my resolutions for Him!

Eye jargon.

2010-11-24T12:44:00.005+08:00

Accompanied Daddy to SNEC @ Outram to have his eye surgery just this morning. After he entered the operating room, my body with filled with anxiety around. After all that silent praying, I could then hear familiar voices praying for me.

The operation on his eye was successful, he can now see everything clearly, although he cannot remove the plastic patch that was placed over his eye too soon.

However, it seems that I still need to observe him for the next couple of days, and that includes going with him on another appointment to the very same place the following day. It is in His will that I watch over him. According to the nurses, he is not allowed to drive, and he cannot stare at the computer or books for a prolonged period of time. Even so, the period for full recovery from the surgery is NOT one day, contrary to my own assumptions.

For the love of Christ, he is in his fifties, and has the tendency of forgetting things easily. That's why I need to ensure that nothing bad happens to my daddy, especially when he has not even recovered fully! Gosh, I still need to surrender this onto God's hands.

Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. ~~Proverbs 23:22

你要听从生你的父亲，你的妈妈老了，也不能藐视她。[箴言23:22]

Two parallel scenarios, contrasting one another.

2010-11-23T16:39:00.004+08:00

***IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE BLIND SIDE AND/OR READ KEYS OF THE KINGDOM, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!****

----------------------
(highlight text below to disclose potential spoilers) I apologise if I am too judgemental here.
I borrowed A. J Cronin's Keys of the Kingdom last week, yet I am stuck reading on the part where the protagonist Francis Chisholm is still a young boy. (and schooling still!) Two weeks before, I remembered watching The Blind Side, where I actually observed Michael (aka Big Mike) feeling small and prejudiced.

Let's picture the contrasting scenarios together, shall we? They paint a similar scenario, but crave a different end result due the dissimilar actions performed by the "agents".

The Blind Side. ~~Evolution of a game.~~ Michael is a new student of Wingate, but does not feel at home in his new school. He walks down the street one night, feeling depressed. At the same time, Leigh Anne, together with her family in her car, happen to see Mike walking across the pathway. She feels sorry for his plight and lets him stay in their house. Under the care of the Touhys, Mike's prejudice disappears as he gradually shows his capabilities in (American) football and academia.

Somewhere in the streets of Glennie's Bakery. Filled with hopes of being well taken care of by the shop's owners, Francis arrives at the bakery, following the death of his own parents a few moths ago. Even when Mrs Glennie was a Christian herself, unlike Leigh Anne, her actions were really un-Christian towards Francis, going to extent that I became really suspicious when she helped him. When Francis was really unwell, Mrs Glennie, when confronted by Polly, tried to cover the situation up by saying that Francis is "fat and well fed as my own son!"

Which route, then, would you take? A route of unwillingness, or a route of compassion? Surely, as Christians, one would certainly follow Leigh Anne instead of Mrs Glennie. Both ladies in question are Christians. Both have seen someone with a tragic background. However, there are differences that draw a fine line between the two of them. Leigh Anne is a compassionate lady. Having taken pity on Mike due to his broken past, she, along with her family, works very hard throughout the movie to ensure that Mike is taken care of properly. On the other hand, Mrs Glennie lacks the sincerity and will to take good care of Francis, let alone allow him to eat in peace at mealtime! In other words, Leigh Anne was willing to give [hope to a lost person], while Mrs Glennie was not.

Graduation blues.

2010-11-19T23:59:00.006+08:00

Praise God for the success of the prom night yesterday!

The time had finally arrived. The time for us to reminisce the times in Anderson, ever since we first stepped into the school as secondary ones four or five years ago before parting to our own separate ways.

Indeed, I did not, at any instance, release my aggressive persona at the graduation ball, nor get into a fury at someone. I simply enjoyed my dinner and went slow on the desserts that I had picked out when the buffet dinner commenced, while listening to my fellow teachers (including maths teacher Mr Lim) and schoolmates sing, also not to mention the ever awesome Boy's Generation who gave us an precedented sense of awe! *eyes sparkle*

By the way, I happened to bump into a few ex-Andersonians who graduated last year, including Xinlin and my childhood classmate, Regina! Not sure if I would be able to come for next year's graduation ball to reunite with my imoto-chan Yinyan, like them.

Unfortunately, I had to leave the hotel as early as possible for fear of my own safety, especially when it was expected to end pretty late. Nonetheless, I did converse and take a couple of photos (plus the one above) with my fellow friends and teachers who have taught me since I was in secondary one before my father picked me up. I even went ahead to give some of my classmates a hug, much like what I would do to my fellow quintet in church! Thank God (literally), I am not perceived as a fallen leaf to some of those of 5/1 and 5/2. ^^ Saying my farewells, indeed is not fun, but still inevitable.

Once an Andersonian, always an Andersonian.

2010-11-16T10:23:00.001+08:00

Dreamt that Denise (Seah) came back to Voices. [Literally!] Upon seeing her, I hugged her so tightly that she thought that I was squeezing her.

But then again, no one is sure whether she's coming back for Voices after her A Levels have ended. A dream may just be a dream.

2010-11-15T15:34:00.001+08:00

終幕でした。

Playtime has been over all along.

2010-10-21T17:42:00.003+08:00

The vampires will be going to bite me for real when they see my answer script for my practical. This has been the de facto command from the Grim Reaper to catch students who leave questions blank (unintentionally or not) or make deadly errors in the script.

[No, this is not Cherie-chan narrating a horror story to her juniors. She is serious.]

it ought to be stopped.

2010-10-18T20:06:00.002+08:00

Cherie Angel, stop this act of pretense, especially not when you're in front of me! God doesn't want to see how long-lasting your so-called strength is!

But then again, this is my battle, not yours.

Hoobastank - The Reason

2010-10-09T10:25:00.000+08:00

This song was played during the farewell ceremony the previous day. For some (God-knows) reason, the people that came to my mind are my siblings (Grace oneesama and my two older brothers), God, my parents and the quintet.

#500th.

2010-10-02T23:40:00.005+08:00

Whatever evil thoughts that are attempting to control your body and mind, surrender them onto God.

Cherie Angel, this is an extremely crucial period, where the pressure from exams often rises to the peak. Support is paramount and your close ones (particularly Grace oneesama, your quintet and Yinyan) are doing all they can to offer you support - do the same to them as well. You will struggle in your faith sometimes, as what Matt said, but start afresh with God and He will watch over you throughout this critical time and not forsake you. So neither will the quintet nor oneesama nor Yinyan leave you in the lurch as well. It is NEVER too late to start anew with God.

Best wishes to anyone who is currently having their final year exams or having their N Levels on Monday! Jiayous to those taking O and A Levels as well as PSLE later this month! :))

Elusive and meaningless.

2010-09-28T20:38:00.008+08:00

The girl entered the assembly hall, not in joyfulness, but in melancholy. She had a premonition that her principal was going to pinpoint and criticize the classes in her stream of their worrisome results in the recent preliminary examinations. As she listened attentively to the principal's talk, her instincts turned out to be true, to the very least. While the principal gave praise to the students of the express stream, it was the exact opposite for her own stream of schoolmates (even though the girl herself had done "relatively well", according to her respective subject teachers). As the results for her stream were displayed onto the huge projector screen, she plastered a fake smile onto her face as she went up to the front to claim her certificates all indicating her usual exemplary performance at the prelims. "Those certs eventually will not matter to me anymore," she thought to herself.

When she exited the hall, a low-pitched and sinister voice, sounding like a wicked witch, whispered into her head. "If you can prove yourself worthy of earning the title of Phoenix Angel, I'm sure that you can push back the NA stream to its former glory!" However, at the same time, another voice which sounded like her elder sister, said curtly, "If you dare listen to that voice, I'm going to have no choice but to cut off my sisterhood ties with you!" At that instant, the girl discovered that there was a double edged sword to earning that honorary yet elusive title. Either she simply did her best in the upcoming O Levels, or she would risk getting her sisterhood severed. She realised that while she has done all her best (from her teachers' viewpoint, of course), the alluring of success had been treating her like a puppet during the course of her prelims, constantly twisting her mind with paranoia such that she felt more pressured than before. "Matthew 6:24: no one can serve two masters," the elder sister-like voice concluded her warnings with her as she returned to her classroom.

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my work,
and this was the reward for all my labor.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
~~Eccelesiates 2: 10 - 11 [NIV]

forgive?

2010-09-19T20:48:00.003+08:00

if Grace oneesama forgave me for my mistreatment towards her, this means I that I ought to forgive those who have hurt me. But then again, this is never easy without God's help.

It may have been a tale of melancholy, but it is certainly not the end of the story yet.

2010-09-15T18:02:00.007+08:00

Well, well, well. It seems that the stress from the second wave of prelims momentarily stopped for today, and some of us appeared to quite happy for that period of time as we stepped out of the school gate. Not so, as I thought. The second wave of prelims have very fierce and brutal, with more tears shed, more echoing voices of discouragement in my head, and not to mention the alluring of success all ready to pry on and control me.

I am ready to collapse anytime soon, for I can't take this anymore. I am feeling as if I'm falling into the abyss of death, certainly not looking forward to getting back our results. What on earth was I doing last year when I was sitting for my O Level eMaths and Chinese? And how did I get an A1 for my eMaths, apart from the fact that I often went to Woodlands Library to those practice questions that were most likely to pop out in the exam? I think I'm going to make library trips an obligation.

"This girl will the death of me."

"Is this the best you can do, Cherie Angel Soh?"

"It's the end for you."

It's like the sharp blade of a sword being pointed towards me, a choice of life or death. I can't seal this from the quintet or my fellow seniors or leaders in Voices. HELP!!!!!!! I can't take this matter into my own hands!!! *cries*

The title of Phoenix Angel, or your life.

495th.

2010-09-03T22:14:00.001+08:00

This day may mark the end of term 3, but those upcoming holidays are not meant for us to go play.

The prelims may be over, but not quite yet.

2010-09-03T16:08:00.002+08:00

On August 26th, the ~~monstrous~~ second wave of prelims arrived.

Just today, I had my history and physics paper. I wasted a freaking 20 minutes on an essay that I would even strike out, causing my anxiety meter to rapidly go up. I could have used that time to just write on that communist Russia essays altogether and go ahead with the source based and think of good explanations! Forget it. I gradually collapsed and broke down to tears the moment Mr Lim said, "Time's up." Before I entered the exam hall, I heard a voice (who sounded like a sinister version of my oneesama) saying, "It's the end for you, Cherie Angel Soh." ~~Who would have expected it to come true!~~

I had seen those (deadly) errors I committed back in April during the first wave. Determined enough not to repeat them again in the second wave, I began to have the assumption that the setters of the combined humanities papers are a bunch of vampires who do not want their students to do well. No, this ain't horror fiction. Together with the Grim Reaper, these vampires deliberately catch students who simply memorize content for any humans paper alike. Seems that these monsters will have merciless on me when they see my work. Gosh. I really am stuck now. I appear to have let oneesama down and lost the battle with that persona who has been using me to make success a counterfeit god and acquire the title of Phoenix Angel. You won't become Phoenix Angel, but Chaotic Angel. HELP!!!!

A broken crystal I may be in your eyes, but I shall return to you.

HIATUS.

2010-08-22T08:55:00.001+08:00

I will be on a hiatus on blogger till the second wave of prelims is over. Same thing applies to Facebook as well.

Until then, sayonara, people. All the best!

To be thankful?

2010-08-20T15:18:00.004+08:00

TGIF! Seems that this week has been more hectic than the previous one. Jessin was the first one from our class to sit for her O Level English Orals (on Monday), our O Level Chinese results were announced on Wednesday, and VP Mrs Koh and Mr Ng (Chee Siew) have spoken to our class for our bad results for our Chinese.

Yours truly shall not lament about this, but I shall not retake the paper in November for the sake of my other O Level subjects. Don't ask me why, for my mommy would not let me resit having seen me getting a C6, no matter how hard I have tried from last year till now. Besides, I have aMaths to fall back on. Is this the best you can do, huh, Cherie-chan? To praise God for that kind of grades is just as good as being sarcastic.

Now, please, I don't want to be disturbed any further. For the sake of my English Orals that are coming this Monday. I don't want a situation where I really flop my orals, or even when the examiners suddenly cut me off abruptly! I've been in the British Council for the last 4 years, and I have to show that this English enrichment course has not been gone to waste for me!

2010-08-16T18:37:00.002+08:00

Prayed for Jessin for her O Level English Oral today; she is the first of my class to sit for O Level English Oral. Hopefully she has been able to handle the three components of the oral exam!

My best wishes for everyone else who is also taking the very same English Oral exam, just do your best and let God do the rest, as what my oneesama said. Don't panic, as it will only pull down your grade!

Friday the 13th FTL.

2010-08-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

~~I didn't think today was Friday the 13th.~~

Okay, I'll just say it is just not my day, even if it's one day left to the inaugural YOG. I apologise if you think I am a naggy woman here. I will just pour out whatever I have tried to hide here.

One, I accidentally snapped my linkage arm for my artefact before reapplying chloroform onto it. (which I certainly need God's faith for it to stabilise.)

Two, I've had this eye infection on my left eye that started on the day after National Day. Now that's even more disastrous, isn't it? And it's larger than a typical full stop. In fact I saw I doctor after school today, and I need to apply eye ointment and take an antibiotic every morning to hasten the healing. Okay, some people have sent their get-well-soon wishes to me, but again, God's faith required for the infection to go away. *sighs*

Lord, with this broken state that I am in, help me not to let go of you, especially when that faith of yours is needed by me. Especially when the second wave of prelims is less than a fortnight away, as it says in Ecclesiastes 3, "There is a time for everything under heaven" Let the tears of pain leak out of my eyes as I try my best not to aim for a flawless artefact, refrain from putting too much stress on myself as what oneesama told me earlier on. As I go into a state of repentance, have Your way with me. Judgement is imminent, in Jesus's name, amen.

Write about a time when you overheard something you were not meant to and the consequences which followed.

2010-08-11T21:41:00.004+08:00

[This is the corrected version of the one I wrote. Let me know, if you still think there are any inconsistencies.]

The sky was a crimson red when I arrived at in my hometown at Yishun from school. As both my parents were out to attend a colleague's wedding, I had no choice but to head over to my favourite Japanese foodcourt at Northpoint, my neighbourhood shopping centre. As usual, the foodcourt was packed with secondary, junior college and polytechnic students, as well as working adults alike at this dinner hour. Ordering a set meal of sakedon (rice with raw salmon) and an appetizer meal of maguro (tuna) sushi, I was fortunate enough to find an empty seat near the glass windows that overlooked Yishun New Town. I was about to start savouring my meal while a familiar face caught my eye a few tables away.

The familiar face was none other than my classmate from my primary school, Serena. Both of us had been close friends since we first stepped into elementary school life, until we were posted to different secondary schools and parted ways at the end of sixth grade. Due to time constraints from our gradually hectic school life, we hardly kept in touch with each other. However, this Serena had radically changed from the Serena from my last recollection four years ago. Her hair was messier and frizzier, and her attire was indecent enough that she would easily get caught by school authorities in polytechnics. Back to her at the foodcourt, she was sitting with a group of girls her age, all with the same level of not-so-decent attire as her. Unwilling to beckon her, I merely continued to enjoy my all-time rabid obsession with raw fish dishes.

Alas, my ears were sharp enough to her a pin drop in a quiet enclosed room. I heard how Serena got into all kinds of trouble with the school authorities, including a case involving her stealing a junior's wallet and its contents within. I heard how she displayed a rebellious attitude towards her teachers. I heard how her frequently late arrivals to school had resulted her in her suspension from school. No, this was indeed not the Serena I had bonded with in elementary school, I thought, with a worried frown on my face. To attract her attention, I pretended to go to the washing area to have my hands washed and called out her name.

Just as Serena heard me call out her name, she replied, "Yo, Angel! Long time no see!" Rather than replying back in my usual cheerful manner, I began to speak out my concerns over her recent demeanour to her. To my surprise, my concerns were nothing more than thorns to her.

"I didn't think you would actually eavesdrop on me! How in the world did you even know about it without us communicating with each other for ages?" Serena began to break down to tears, with the group of unfamiliar faces trying to give her comfort. Wanting the old Serena back, I tried to sort out things with her, but to no avail. As I extended my left hand to her, she immediately slapped my hand and yelled at me, "I can't believe that you actually broke our friendship like this. Don't you know that you were really not meant to hear this all along?!" With that, I stared at the group of girls who then left the foodcourt, still staring daggers at me. As for my meal, I suddenly lost the appetite to finish it. I gave the unfinished meal to the janitors, who looked at me with a bizarre expression on their faces.

Gosh, sometimes, excessive concern for someone can be detrimental sometimes, I thought silently as I headed home later that night. "Mind your own business, Angel," the voice still ringing in my head for the successive days. I could not get over our broken friendship and still had the psychological trauma lingering within my head, even after a counselling session. If only I could mind my own business, as what that voice said. If only.

Write a recount which you met someone from your past.

2010-08-10T22:33:00.003+08:00

[I wrote this essay during my British Council last year, but this version has minor changes from the original. Other than these changes, the plot is still kept the same.]

It was the June vacation when I was shopping for groceries and books in Cold Storage and Popular Bookstore at Causeway Point. As both my parents were too busy, they had no time in their hands to shop, thus leaving me no choice but to do the job instead. After paying at the cashier’s counters, I ended up carrying two shopping bags on each hand. “Argh, that hurts, but I won’t give up!” I thought as I felt the pressure from carrying the bags while feeling a surge of resilience within me upon exiting Causeway Point. Entering Woodlands Station to head home, I was, unfortunately, clumsy enough to knock my bags onto a girl my age, while I was halfway up the escalator!

“Ouch! Can you please be more careful…” The girl was about to raise her voice at me while she suddenly stopped in mid-sentence.

“Cherie?” She softly called out as soon as we reached the platform of the station. I, too, began to take a closer look at her and discovered that she was none other than my best friend in secondary school, Cynthia! Her physical appearance had remained pretty much the same, although she had grown slightly taller and seemed to have exchanged her black-framed spectacles for another pair without frames.

“Hey! Long time no see!” Cynthia let out a squeal as she began to embrace me in excitement.

“You too!” I replied. “But first, let’s take a seat since I am worn out from carrying my shopping bags.

“First off, I am sorry if I accidentally knocked you!” I said out of despair as we took our seats. Cynthia, however, also apologized for her imminent temper and told me that it was okay. Meanwhile, memories with her and my friends, started to swim in my head. The times which she had tutored me in my weakest subject, Chinese in secondary three, the only time that she had watched Ponyo on a Cliff by the Sea, a Japanese movie with me, and the moments where we ate together at Ang Mo Kio Hub after school were some of the memorable times I could think of.

“Cherie?” Cynthia tapped me on the shoulder, nearly giving me a fright and getting me out of my deep contemplation of nostalgic moments. “Is anything the matter here?” she asked.

“Err, nothing.” I gave her a watery smile, but her enquiry of my life in a junior college deterred me from thinking any further of the past already in my head. “I am doing fine academically, but am struggling to make friends outside of my class and fellow Chinese Dancers!”

“You should not have been to a junior college then, why didn’t you join us at Nanyang Polytechnic when we had the Joint Admission Exercise in January?” Cynthia chided, although I knew that she was trying to be ironic. Anyway, she knew that I had already accomplished my dream of going to a junior college, as I was the only one from my batch of Normal Academic students who chose to enter a junior college.

“Well then, how’s polytechnic life?” I asked. Cynthia said that she was in the School of Business Management and was coping rather well with her work.

“Perhaps choosing Principles of Accounting isn’t so bad for you after all,” I said, recalling how she groaned about the subject and even feeling regretful taking it as part of her subject combination in her upper secondary days.

Not long after, the train to Marina Bay approached the platform. We got up from our seats and boarded the train. As the seats were full, Cynthia offered to lend me a hand. I smiled and said a word of thanks, relieved that I would not feel the same pressure as I did earlier on. Together, we admired the lush greenery that occasionally showed up in the vicinity of housing estates and condominiums.

“Say, you went to Woodlands Library before I bumped into you, didn’t you?” I asked. Cynthia replied, “Yup, but when I was in secondary school, I didn’t accompany you to that place. Strangely, I am, right now. Pity that I wasn’t with you before happening to meet you.”

Pretty soon, I heard the name of the station I was about to alight, Khatib. “Sorry, but I need to alight now. Are you alighting at Toa Payoh at usual?” Cynthia nodded, passing back my shopping bags to me and waving goodbye to me. “See you at Anderson on 31 August!” I shouted out as I bade her farewell despite my full hands. As the train slowly departed Khatib Station, I headed home in high spirits, with Cynthia still embedded in my mind.

Write about a time when things did not go as planned because you missed out an important step.

2010-08-10T20:11:00.003+08:00

Note: This was influenced by Viola-chan, except that this was originally posted in my blogger. Criticism is perfectly alright, but no insulting comments. Or else.

“Strawberries, checked. Up next, cheese…” I was at the supermarket at my neighbourhood one afternoon to buy the necessary ingredients to make a strawberry cheesecake for my best friend, Janice. Her birthday was on the following day, and knowing that she had an obsession with strawberries, I thought that baking the perfect cake for her would make the celebrations a meaningful one. After paying for the ingredients, I headed back home, all set to make the cake and even daydreaming about Janice making commendatory remarks on my baking skills.

Although I did not prepare such a grand-looking sweet treat in any of my Home Economics lessons, I had the recipe jotted down inside my favourite notebook, and often consulted it for reference as I did the critical procedures in getting ready the batter and decorations for the cake. Having done all the required steps, I was on the verge of becoming exhausted after putting the cake batter into the oven. As I waited for my cake batter to finish baking, I drank a cup of Milo to replenish my energy level.

Finally taking out the batter from the oven after an hour or so, I decorated the cake with the strawberries and applied the final touches of cream cheese onto it. My masterpiece was complete! I then stored the cake in the fridge to ensure that it would not spoil. “There, there. At least its freshness wouldn’t be so compromised,” I said, with a triumphant smile on my face.

However, little did I know that I was completely unaware of my nasty younger brother, who was known to frequently hunt the fridge for snacks without anyone’s knowledge, hence his chubby appearance. All along, he was never able to curb his greed, not even with the discipline from me and my parents. Would that masterpiece of mine be spared from my brother’s greed?

Unfortunately, the delicious cake was placed within the reach of my younger brother. It was too tempting for him to grab a bite from it, while I was at my usual bedroom studying later that night, after dinner. That was to say, I forgot to protect it from being eaten by him! My brother slowly stretched out his hands for the cake from the fridge, beginning to take a bite with a butter knife to help him cut it to the portion he wanted. He savoured the cake, bit by bit; however, this did not last long for him.

It was not until I caught him red-handed when I returned to kitchen just to grab my glass of water, and he started to dash back into his room upon seeing that rage of fury circulating me. This prevented my brother from stealing any more cake, but as for the cake itself, I felt a sense of uncertainty while feeling enraged at the same time.

Should I bake another cake? It was a no-go. Already it was too late to make another one, and my efforts would surely go to waste if I simply threw my masterpiece away. After putting back the cake into its rightful place and gulping down that glass of water, I simply went back to my bedroom, trying to pretend as if nothing had happened.

The following day was Janice’s birthday celebration, and I ventured to her house not in ecstasy, but in anxiety. I brought that strawberry cheesecake from the previous day, with part of it being stolen by my brother, of course. In contrast, Janice’s house was full of intense joy, with cheerful-sounding music playing and the screaming of her younger siblings as they played with some of my friends who had arrived earlier. As Janice’s mother gave the green light to sing a birthday song for her daughter, my nervousness had already reached its peak. With the last butterfly fluttering away from my body, the euphoria that originally filled the living room gradually turned to shock and horror as I brought the half-eaten cake to the coffee table. Janice shriveled with fear, upon seeing it. While my face was blushing red, her eyes began to well up with tears. The others looked at me either with resentment or astonishment, at the same time they felt sorry for the birthday girl as well. I burst out with a sudden apology and ran out of the house, eventually standing beside the gate to Janice’s house.

After that long moment of silence at the gate, Janice appeared, with a dismal expression on her face. “I thought you really ran away, dear. Most of them have left after you rushed out of the house,” she said.

“Well, at least the cake I made was still edible, wasn’t it?” I replied, as I looked up to face her.

“They were quite reluctant to have it, as it not only meant fewer pieces of the cake to share, but they thought you were too greedy. But of course, I have never perceived you to be a greedy girl. No worries, I will tell them for you tomorrow.”

I then revealed how my brother had stolen a portion of the cake that I baked for Janice. Though she briefly chided me for not protecting it, she nonetheless forgave me, going to the extent that she offered a cake slice to me. Although I instantly went back to my normal cheerful state after eating the cake, I was still distraught from the fact that the celebrations for Janice’s birthday party this year was not as meaningful as I had thought it out to be.

(PS: OMG, 900+ words for this one? Oh no, this can't be good.)

2010-08-09T11:38:00.000+08:00

Happy 45th birthday Singapore!

A state of devastation, in the form of haiku....

2010-08-05T22:21:00.009+08:00

If you think this is a joke, sorry, you are wrong.

Paranoia comes
An iron curtain is formed
betwixt and between

The imminent prelims
Together with the orals
Slowly creeping in

Inevitably
My wishes become demands
Gradually shaking

In the midst of pain
Tears cascading from my eyes
Beyond my control

Turning to the Lord
Spilling out the pain I have
With a broken heart

~~Written by Kasuga Hazuki.

SAJC: My choice?

2010-08-01T12:29:00.002+08:00

The previous day, I went to Saint Andrew's Junior College (SAJC) for an Open House event. Although I could not stay in the college for too long, there were nevertheless a couple of things that really caught my attention and appealed to my curiosity. This included the guided tour and Principal's talk at the cultural centre.

On my first impression, SAJC sounded like the perfect gakuen (school campus) counterpart to my dear friends from WEB/Voices of Covenant Evangelical Free Church. Even during Samantha's sharing of her life in SA, I also felt the same thing - that SAJC would be the perfect second home to me. With this junior college in mind, I could have a clean slate and write over a new page. I could run away from the tormetors who have been hurting me for the past four years and thus put an end to it. I could then start afresh with new faces in that school the following year, repeating the cycle of making new friends, but without exposing my nasty habits in my lower secondary days.

With the value of compassion and care reinforced, I would have more people who would show their concern towards me, apart from my WEB/Voices counterparts. I would also refrain from bottling up my emotions too often as this psychologial pain could be spread to them. (akin to my oneesama Grace) I would even have caring mentors (like my current physics teacher Mr Ng and maths teacher Mr Lim) who would always be available when I need to clear any doubts in whatever subject. If I ever fell down, someone would be there whether in person or spiritually, to get up, apart from the true God.

As the number of extracurricular activites in SAJC is higher than that in Anderson Secondary, I was definitely spoilt for choice. I could join the newly formed Saint Advocates to boost my leadership skills (which are sadly, lacking for me at the moment) I could join Art Club to learn new artistic techniques and make more impressive drawings for my fellow comrades. I could join the dance society to broaden my dance skills, and not confine myself to classical Chinese Dance. I could join the photography club and produce state-of-the-art pictures, hence meeting with my brother's standards when it comes to photographic skills. But the thing is, will the school allow me to join more than one CCA, like what Raffles Institution and National Junior College permits?

Being a junior college rooted to Chrisitianity, I could go to the school chapel and listen to all the sermon sharings that I could apply to my daily lives. The sermons could also act as a buffer to stop my Chrisitianity relationship with God from wavering. (Or shall I say, an on-and-off relationship with God) I would then not depend too much on my Saturday services just to be fired up for Christ!

Then again, there are to have the downsides of putting SAJC as my choice. As common as it is in all other JCs, I need to take the ever compulsory subjects of General Paper (GP), Chinese and Project work. For GP, my Social Studies and English have to be really good and for project work, this is where my Design and Technology skills will kick in for a significant contribution from me. With me already only returning home at night in my final year of secondary school, I will need to be prepared to see more of this on a weekly basis, especially during exam block. Can I even handle this without getting a single crackdown in my whole JC life?

Oh dear, I am still taking this into consideration. The crossroads is becoming bigger and I eventually have to commit this into God's hands. Argh. Thus, many roads, but only one destination. I shan't be too "farsighted" about this. Must focus on O Levels first!

2010-08-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

"We cannot always be receiving, we need to give."

Sweet 17!

2010-07-29T23:10:00.003+08:00

Hai, haven't been updating for quite a while here. But anyways, I turned 17 on Tuesday! Really want to express my thanks to anyone who wished me on that day, be it on Facebook, verbally or via sms. Also hope that twinnie Kiuyan has had a blessed celebration as well! =D

Lord, as I stand in front of you giving thanks for the blessings, help me not to get too carried away with all that euphoria from the 5-day celebrations and allow me to get serious for my second wave of prelims as well as my O-level English Oral as it will eventually fade away. As they say in the Japanese animated movie The Girl Who Leaped Through Time, time waits for no one. When I feel guilty because of playing games on FB, it's beause you want to save me from the deadly trap of addiction and don't want me to end up like my brother who was perpetually addicted to World of Warcraft when he was my age. In Jesus' precious name I pray, amen.

真不幸。

2010-07-21T20:34:00.005+08:00

To anyone who prayed for me today, I would want to express my sincere thanks to you. Had a terrible pain in the tummy that it affected my ability to concentrate (yet again), and not to mention spoil my highly anticipated RHD fun in school today.

那些为我祷告的人们，真的感谢你们。这个下午肚子（仍然）受到了极端的痛苦，因此又影响了专心的能力，自己在种族和谐日的享受都绝望了。

(TBC.)

2010-07-17T23:10:00.002+08:00

Okay, I am updating my Livejournal and here at the same time, but after service tonight, I went on Youtube to find that song by Stream of Praise, Send Me Lord.

With a generation that is in danger of fading away, O Lord, teach me, how to use Your love to give hope to the hopeless and anyone in need.

闪光的眼泪。

2010-07-10T00:31:00.010+08:00

自开学天开始，这几个星期的期间从来都是非常强烈要命的，犹如一条坎坷的路线。果然在那时段，放学后没有补课，但是我不能立刻回家。有时还是必需留下来，将做我的 DnT 产品，有时会去图书馆做复习到最迟晚上八点为止。反正，老师们在六月假期开始之前，已经给我们一些警告，开学之后，就会立刻进行 CA2测验。为了让大家感到满意，我也决定克服 “脸书” (英称 Facebook) 的上瘾，完全不要在这网站上玩游戏。

这两个星期内（甚至 O 水准华文口试前），我平时感到又心痛又不安心，有时觉得力气也没有了。甚至泪如雨下了起来。还记得两个星期前的青年星期日 (Youth Sunday) 结束之后，我对姐姐说，“明天开学的时候，我流泪是无可奈何的。” 我不可以真正地把它表白一下，可是呢，在上个星期六 (七月三日)，我做错了一件事，因此使上帝感到很失望。连前个星期一，我在义顺图书馆温习功课的时候，突然感到头痛，甚至回家后竟然受到了衰弱。后悔的我，因此在那天和后天向上帝悔悟，连我双眼都流了很多泪水。

这些闪光的泪珠不是虚伪的，由于我受到了苦战的危机就渐渐地受不了心理痛苦。当我流泪的时候，上帝已经表示了他的恩典，让我再一次站起来，并且放心地进行中文口试和剩下来的测验。

有时候，你会觉得自己不能藏躲你的感觉，想要把它们浅浅地显现出来。没事的。同时，天父看得到而感得到你的痛苦。只要你信靠他，主耶稣会领你走出黑暗，让你见得到希望的曙光。

A narrow escape... Lucky?

2010-07-09T15:46:00.003+08:00

My only hope is that my flowerhead string holder gets completed before my birthday.

~~~~~
我只希望，我的生日之前就能够完成我产品之制作。

〜〜〜〜
シェリーちゃんの望みが、誕生日先にストリング・ホルダーを完成しました。

2010-07-03T12:02:00.004+08:00

这是大姐两月前送我的一封电子信息，但是由于我不小心地把它消除，我只好依靠自己的记忆将把它写出来了。

"小妹，不要因为上次考试和其他课程而感到沮丧，大姐永远支持你。记得，考试的时候，不要依赖自己的力量，让耶稣成为你的力量，记忆和大脑。当你感到无助时，上帝永远在你身边！只要你让他掌舵，我相信这次的考试不会打扰你的！加油！不要给自己太多压力了！考试能做得多就去做，实际上就交在上帝的手中，知道吗？"

担心得太多，就不能好好尽力。

God wants me to know...

2010-06-27T18:46:00.003+08:00

(Taken from my Facebook profile.)

... that a lot of things you think are important, are just urgent, but not important. Focus on what really matters. A phone call for example is always urgent - it rings only a few times and is gone, but is often not important. If you are in the middle of something truly... important - playing with kids, being present with your loved one, - do not stop just because a silly phone rings. Stay present with what's important now.

Pretty relevant to me right now, especially when O Levels are just four months away. (Yeah, scary.) The games I play on the pasokon, like Country Story, Restaurant City, Cafe World, Pacman, and so on and so forth, will now need to be sacrificed to let me focus on my studies more properly. My Maths teacher Mr Lim indeed made sense after all, the addiction needs to be fought!

Stupid summary of the last June holidays?

2010-06-27T16:36:00.004+08:00

Yes, I know I have been doing that since secondary 3, at the end of every school vacation block. However, after secondary school, there may be no such thing as June holidays anymore. My oneechan started school only one fortnight ago. Imagine that!

apart from O Level Chinese (which I did not cry over), extra lessons and DnT practical, I......

> Rotted on Facebook (but hopefully not as serious as last December)
> Tagged along with Grace oneechan for her SA Appointment Ceremony
> English Seminar at One Marina Boulevard
> Bumped into Genevieve, Stephanie's classmate in RGS at Yishun Bus Interchange
> Youth Sunday 2010. (L)

and not to mention my solo library trips, which were ________ (fill in blank.)

School's reopening soon!~ Time to get serious!

深刻なエラーが発生しました。

2010-06-27T14:37:00.003+08:00

再会吧，六月假期。觉得今年的学校假期比前年得过得越来越快。小善，你没有充裕的时间了！

好可怕哟。

~~~~~~~~
Farewell, June holidays. Feeling that the holidays for this year are going faster and faster, as compared to previous years. Cherie-chan, you don't have enough time left!

This is getting really scary.

Thank God (literally) that the choir sector was still existent!

2010-06-19T22:22:00.004+08:00

It's a blessing! The church has decided to put back the choir into its rightful place for this year's Youth Sunday, titled, "Voices!" In addition to that, it also made a different approach to this event, that is the inclusion of the JDs (Junior Disciples) and the addition of the drama cast, some of the roles include a pastor, protestors and a principal.

The choir practice was freaking awesome and fun, as promised by JoGi-san, one of the in-charges for the choir sector. Even though I was not familiar with all the songs, I still learnt the lyrics, step by step. At the same time, I also ensured that I try to make use of Jerrold's vocal lessons wherever possible, without going over the limits by overexerting my voice of course. Though some of us may be losing our voice sooner or later, but hey, all the effort was worthwhile, especially when we had to practice with the worship team before heading home, wasn't it?

To my fellow church mates serving in the choir sector: Please take care of your voice! While you learn and memorise the lyrics at your own time and sing the songs in the privacy of your own home, don't try to overexert your voice and do avoid consuming sugary, spicy or oily food! (especially if your voice do get hoarse)

2010-06-14T12:08:00.002+08:00

Don't be a stubborn girl and become the rebellion to God. It's not a complete piece of cake to obey His commands, but if He is telling you to rest, please do. I hate it when I see you break down yet again, especially during the second wave of prelims.

2010-06-13T22:55:00.004+08:00

Slow down, and I'll become sluggish and become a slacker.
Speed up, and I wouldn't have sufficient stamina to get me through by the end of these four months.

Biacchi, you only have one fortnight till CA2. What are you doing?

An Eventful Tuesday (Part II)

2010-06-08T19:14:00.005+08:00

After I was shopping for some groceries at Northpoint's Cold Storage the same afternoon, I bumped into a girl, who is older than both me and oneechan, at the adjacent bus interchange! Her name is Genevieve, and she asked to fill in a survey aimed for youths. As I was doing the survey at my own pace, I realised that she knew Stephanie (who is from RGS) to a certain extent, as well as some others (whom I do not know yet) from my church! [What a coincidence!]

Anyway at the same time, I was curious about the organization that she was involved in, that is Singapore Youth For Christ (or SYFC for short) Like my church, it is an evangelistic community (that is to say, it emphasizes on gospel sharing and outreach activities!); unlike Covenant, its members are from various churches, including Woodlands EFC, and not just Covenant itself! However, due to my other commitments and my O Levels at present, I am only keen in joining this organisation after mid November.

This little friendship, is not to be a 'touch and go' one, for such opportunites are actually very rare. Like oneechan, Genevieve studied in a different primary and secondary school from me. Unlike oneechan, maintaining this bond with her is harder. God, let me go back to the sermon, Ultimate Friendship, where pastor Matt talked about how David and Jonathan built a strong friendship bond. Help me to build the trust in Genevieve, even if we seem distant from each other, just like how the bond between Grace-chan and I grew stronger.

An Eventful Tuesday (Part I)

2010-06-08T16:55:00.004+08:00

[This post is divided into two parts, the English seminar and my encounter with Genevieve. Part one is posted here.]

Tuesday morning was a busy one for us 5/1 students and not just for the adults who still needed to head for work as usual, for an English seminar was in for us. The English seminar focused on the aspects of papers 1 and 2 of the GCSE O Level English Examination. We were not the only school involved; I could see CHIJ (St Nicholas Girls'?!) as well as students from Ahmad Ibrahim. The speakers for paper 1 (composition) and paper 2 (comprehension and summary) were Barbara Rogers and Stuart Mariott respectively; both are examiners of the Cambridge Examinations board.

As some of you may or may not know, I am not attending any British Council class for this year, hence I treated this seminar like a 'revised' version of my last British Council course for my whole secondary school life, that is, the one I attended the previous year and in 2008! I relooked into the various types of composition text types that could pop out in this year's O Level exam, as well as make notes on stuff that Ms Sandra (my British Council teacher for last year) did not mention. For Paper 2, we can never know what 'theme' would pop out as a comprehension passage, but can be sure that we can slowly build up the familiarity of the passage, if we read it carefully! Still, reading widely is STILL the best advantage. Mr Marriott also mentioned the bad ways to understand a passage, which I ironically giggled. (whoops.) That was supposedly a precaution that serves me as reminder, not to follow them at all costs.

The examiners are on our side, they are not cruel monsters waiting to pick out only the superintelligent ones by setting a paper too hard. On the contrary, they still need to be fair-headed, a paper that is no piece of cake!

2010-06-05T14:03:00.002+08:00

亲爱的小善子，

我不知道如何把它表白一下，但是，你需要多加倍努力。果然，你哥哥的L1R5比你差，但是看，你只有四个月了。你应该多知道，剑桥已经越来越严格，而且，你和哥哥的大纲有些辨别，特别是英文， SS 和历史！别以为你比哥哥好，所以你就懈怠。记住，成绩分数绝对不能解释你的性格！

另一个事件我要提及的是，五年前，你拥有了顽皮的态度。因此，你的预备考试成绩不是那么好的。你又要陷入了后悔的境界，你知道吗？我真的不要看你重复这些错误！！Never Ever!

我需要悔改！但是。。。。

2010-06-04T21:24:00.003+08:00

And merely I wished I brought my camera along.

On my way to Yishun Library (on foot), slightly above my eye level (when standing) was a rain tree branch with flowers in full bloom. I could think of that branch as yet another state-of-the-art picture shot!

O Level Chinese...

2010-06-01T16:40:00.002+08:00

昨天考了“O”水准中文。当我走出礼堂之后，我只能够说，“只有上帝的恩惠，我就没有流泪。” 虽然我跟我的姐姐和小弟提及两个试卷的难度，但是我有了这种不安的感觉，我不懂自己真的重复了年中考试的错误。。。等八月的时候，你们就知道。。。

无论如何，如果你又把今年的华文口试弄得很糟糕，那么，对不起，你就完蛋了。

Serving in the Hokkien Ministry!

2010-05-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

This month, I saw a turning point in our WG Connect. Rather than going out of church just to enjoy ourselves, my senior WG (along with a handful of those from the Upper Sec WG) served as ushers in the Hokkien Ministry. The Hokkien Ministry had organized a Parents' Night dinner and concert, which coincided with the day that we would be having our WG Connect, which was today! For me, I also perceived it to be my first time serving as an usher as I did not serve as part of the hospitality crew during Youth Sunday last year.

Paired up with Denise (Seah) and we were responsible for a certain number of tables (that were situated further away from the stage) and the guests that were sitting at those tables. Although I lost my ability to speak Hokkien at the age of 13 (such that it is not as fluent as my Japanese, let alone Hokkien vulgarities and 'paiseh'), I could nonetheless communicate with the guests in Mandarin Chinese. In contrast, Denise's level of Hokkien proficiency is much higher than mine. Indeed, I did not let it be a hinderance while I did the ushering, though there were bound to be mistakes as an usher with little experience. Still, a job well done, as said by Matt!

Moving in to the actual concert itself, I remembered there was a prayer done by one of the speakers (whose name I do not know). Despite the fact that I was unable to comprehend what he was saying, Denise told me that he was actually praying for the congregation and giving thanks to God for the many guests at the foyer (especially the elderly), not to mention our presence! Although I left the church halfway through the concert, I DID watch the performance item put up by our very own WEB mates! They sang two songs, respectively, 爱的真谛 (which was in Mandarin Chinese) and 牵我的手 (which was in Hokkien). I even heard Jolene share her testimony to the audience as well! =D

Somehow, I somewhat actually regretted losing the ability to speak my parents' dialect. But hey, most importantly, I still enjoyed myself, right? True enough, I tend to be a little off-focused when it comes to team stuff. Still, I did take the initiative to ask Denise to let me have a go! Ah well, this is a rare opportunity for me to serve, I may not get to demonstrate my (hidden) hospitality skills in future!

-

2010-05-20T22:57:00.004+08:00

I'm suddenly becoming to feel as if I am a humanoid robot these days.

-----------------

最近，我突然感觉自己仿佛成为了人形机器娃娃。

思想一会儿。。。。

2010-05-19T22:46:00.003+08:00

拿回了中文试卷二，你是否想要告诉我。。。。

我追求的 “十全十美” 态度实在带来了不堪设想的后果？

我根本没有好好答应郑老师我会读多散文精品和讲多一点华语？

我不可以依靠死记硬背的方式来克服试卷一和二的挫折？

我的年中考试不是世界末日？

我拿回试卷二的时候，我本来想要哭了起来。不过后来，我还记得教会的一些祷告会的信息！我的成绩不能详细说明自己的人格！我的姐姐，朋友和老师简直不会管这种小事的！我的希望是不能绝望的，以免使自己感到紧张的境界！

好啦，需要马上睡觉了，明天我不要再喝太多咖啡，害得我又在班上打瞌睡。

主耶稣，我依然需要相信祢！

-

2010-05-16T18:39:00.006+08:00

“这个人为实现天命已经牺牲一切。。。。。”

～～从《牧羊少年奇幻之旅》

从我的知识，文章提到的 “天命” 是指上天主宰之下的人们的命运，但是这里，实现天命不是一蹴而就所能做得到的！

Vantage Point: Reflections

2010-05-13T21:03:00.005+08:00

[DISCLAIMER: No offensive remarks intended.]

After spending our normal curriculum time for our post-exam activities, Mr Kamal got us secondary 4 and 5 students to watch a movie titled "Vantage Point" in the school hall. The main objectives of this movie screening cum Social Studies hybrid lesson were to revise the chapter terrorism once again, as well as to reinforce our reliability and usefulness skills for our source based questions.

Where the actual content of the movie was concerned, there were unquestioningly some scenes that I could not tolerate that I had to cover my eyes, especially during the car chase part! Not to mention that the profanity in the movie was more significant than previous movies as well. Nonetheless, I had the opportunity to see how the assassination of the President and the bombing of the podium came about via the viewpoints of the various cast of the movie, some of which include Enrique (the bearded guy whom Barnes initially suspected to be the perpetrator of the attacks), Howard, President Ashton's decoy, Barnes, and the GNN broadcasters. Each time the part of the character's respective viewpoint "rewinded", I felt as if I had to predict the fate of the characters, akin to a cliffhanger. For example, during the first part (after the GNN's viewpoint), I thought Enrique was the person behind the terrorist act, but as more parts were shown, it turned out to be pretty false.

(highlight the text below if you don't really feel too offended)

From the debriefing by Mr Kamal, I have received a few take home lessons on the movie itself. The saying "Don't judge a book by its cover," made absolute sense here. As what Mr Kamal had said, the handsome man or prettiest girl could be scheming plots that turn out to be acts of terrorism, while the discriminated African-American (not racist here please!) could have a genuine heart to help anyone in need! Even with the advancements of technology, the perpetrators would have a tendency to use smart gadgets to execute their plan, as seen in the movie itself where a remote controller was used to control the pistol to attack the President! in short, the world we live in is very complicated, especially when we are outside the school grounds! In school, there is only black and white, but outside school, it is radically different. People who look like any other person, but with scheming plots. Watch out if you think they seem suspicious to you!

no doubt, Vantage Point brought chills to my spine, but hey, the terrorist attacks in real life are even more scarier and traumatic than this! (like 9/11) I'm still traumatized by the movie nonetheless.

2010-05-08T22:45:00.002+08:00

The time that was spent in Toa Payoh Library wasn't so wasted, after all.

Your piano is not for you to vent your anger, biacchi.